You Might Be a Traditional Catholic Mother If...

…your child knew two prayers in Latin before they knew their ABC’s.

...the stains on your shirt did not come from you.

...you have made up your own version of "The Potty Song", and find yourself singing it when nobody is around.

...PB&J is a staple food, and when it's FRIED, it's gourmet.

...you can tell exactly how many children a woman has just by what she is wearing.

...a new hairstyle means switching shampoos.

...the only massage you get is when you lay on the floor and your two-year-old walks all over you.

…you can make a pound of ground beef stretch over four different meals.

...your own spit is the best cleaner in your house.

...you rejoice over "Banana Tuesday" at the grocery store.

...grape juice from concentrate in an 89 cent plastic martini glass is the closest you have come to a glass of wine in a long time.

...you consider the five minutes in the morning that you have to share the bathroom with your husband a "date".

...you find yourself telling pregnant women all the labor stories you hated to listen to when you were pregnant.

…you think you can read someone’s character by the names of their children.

...you have argued with the manager at McDonalds about what Happy Meal toy your child NEEDS versus the one they GOT.

…your family car is big enough to hold a wedding reception.

...the few times that you remember to put on makeup, your closest friend doesn't recognize you.

...you finally understand what "back fat" is.

...the last time you painted your toenails was in the '80s.

...you have found yourself wearing shoes that don't match at least three times.

...going grocery shopping by yourself is considered pampering yourself.

...you have inadvertently called your husband "young man".

…your children have ever attended mass barefoot, and you didn’t notice until you were in the parking lot.

...there is at least one woman in your life, whose name you don't know, but refer to her as "Johnny's mom",

...you have ever gone an entire week without going outside.

...the words, "what did you do today" make you cry.

...you know the definitions to the words, "binky" "boo-boo" and "dipey".

...you have ever heard the ever-annoying question, "Do you know what causes that?"

...you suspect that your own mother somehow feels avenged for everything you did to her.

...you have ever had nail polish wear off within two minutes.

...you ask your husband if he has to "tinkle" before you get in the car.

…someone has said to you, “Oh, I didn’t recognize you without your kids!”

...you can see the beauty in a diaper full of bits of crayon.

...you know exactly which restaurant bathrooms have changing tables, and avoid the ones that don't.

...the word "sleep" is defined in your world as "lying still with eyes closed, and then jumping up at five-minute intervals to find a pacifier".

…you couldn’t cook a meal for fewer than ten people to save your life.

...you could start your own pacifier company by locating and selling the pacifiers lost in your house.

...a trip to the mailbox can take an hour.

...you have ever noticed that you have a handful of your own hair and don't even remember pulling it out.

...taking a vacation is more painful than a root canal.

...the words "don't sit on your brother" and "get your head out of the toilet" are part of your daily conversation.

...you have decided that french fries and ketchup can be considered two vegetables.

...breakfast can be anything from chocolate cake to leftover pizza.

…you have ten pins holding your chapel veil, and still can’t manage to keep it on through mass.

...there is so much laundry in your house that you can't wash it all -- if you did, the walls it's supporting would fall in.

...when you leave the house as a family, people stop and watch like you are some kind of side show.

...your friends are scared to go anywhere with you -- you are too much work.

...holidays are spent seeing who has the best-behaved children in the family.

...you have ever had a toddler show you how to work your computer.

...you have ever walked through the grocery store and had ten strangers give you advice.

…your two-year-old has ever said, “Bless thy Lord and cheese thy grits, which we are about to receive…”